my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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