Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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