Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
