I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
