Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
