Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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