I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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