So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
