Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
