Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
