Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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