you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
