I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
