Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
