Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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