My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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