It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
