I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
