we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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