Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
