Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
