I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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