you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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