I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
