so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
