Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I had to cum in my sink.
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