you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
