I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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