If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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