Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
