I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
