i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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