The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
