I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
