Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
