Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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