I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
