It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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