Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
