i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
