I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He did a backflip because drugs
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