too bad you live with your parents still
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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