I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
