I am in a vortex of obligation.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
