Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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