I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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