I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
