the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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