I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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