Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhhâ€
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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