I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
