i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
